Sorry I haven’t posted for a little bit.   I just haven’t felt like it:)  I know General Conference was over a month ago, but I was rereading some articles and had very vivid memories of my two favorites come flooding back.  Special Lessons By Elder Ronald A Rasband hit me particularly strong, not to mention left me in a puddle of tears.  Obviously, Gracie has a big part in my reactions to his words.  One thing I found great relief with…I have never looked at Gracie or looked at any part of my life and thought “why me?”  I think that’s a good thing.  Life’s a test, that is why we are here.  We shouldn’t expect easy roads, right?  They don’t help us grow.

My other thought came after being reminded of Christ’s words when he was here on the Earth.  “Have ye any that are sick among you? Bring them hither. Have ye any that are lame, or blind, or halt, or maimed, or leprous, or that are withered, or that are deaf, or that are afflicted in any manner? Bring them hither and I will heal them, for I have compassion upon you; my bowels are filled with mercy.” I thought about how amazing that must have been for people to bring their loved ones to him to be healed or blessed and how wonderful that would have been to be a part of that.  And then I realized she would be, just not right now – later.  That’s always good to remember.

My other favorite was, The Merciful Obtain Mercy  By President Uchtdorf.  ”When it comes to hating, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges or wantin to cause harm…Stop it!”  It was straightforward and it was simple.  No one’s perfect and we should love everyone, not just the people that are easy to love and faking it doesn’t count.  ”Because we all depend on the mercy of God, how can we deny to others any measure of the grace we so desperately desire for ourselves? My beloved brothers and sisters, should we not forgive as we wish to be forgiven?”  He doesn’t mince words and I appreciate that .

I have a 4 Poster Canopy that Will bought me our first Christmas together.  I woke yesterday to a scratchity, scratching sound.  Several scratches later I realize that they are coming from the floor by my bed and they sound quite damaging.  Rolling over to the edge, I see Annie with needle-nose pliers scraping lines down the side of my bed.  My audible gasp and stern look said it all as Annie dropped the evidence and rolled under my bed.  I know 30 years from now, I will be making the bed and lovingly trace over those scratches thinking about Annie and how much I loved having her little, squealing self at home in all her pigtailed glory and sassiness.

In other thoughts, I was contemplating my less than immaculate house yesterday and had a happy little thought to myself.  I have 18 years to spend as much time with my kids as possible, teach them, guide them and hopefully help them become self-sustaining, spiritually strong, intelligent adults.  Then I have the next 20-30 years after that…or I suppose more to keep a house and have all the “me” time I want.  I’m wondering if by then a clean house won’t  seem all that important anyway and I might even reminisce about the tiny little socks left under the couch or all of the legos, Barbies and books I pull out of the kids beds long after I have put them to sleep and I will miss the craziness and the mess.

So I took this picture in Boston and I asked Will if it would be appropriate for this post. I was assuming it wouldn’t be.  He replied, “So you’re saying you’re a cathedral?…and you have bats in your belfry.”  Now I have to use it regardless, because it made me laugh.  I do have bats in my belfry.  And for the record, I see a little cottage in the woods when I picture myself.

So I had a pivotal clarifying moment recently in which I began to see myself as a little house.  My childhood was spent building a foundation upon Christ.  Upon my foundation that my parents helped me build, I built a house for myself.

I build my house through the small and simple things I do on a regular basis.  I build my house as I interact with my children, as I live my life.  I try to build the best house I can.  Then the Lord comes and has different plans.  He sees my feeble attempts at construction and provides help for me to do better.  Often times humbling circumstances completely collapse my little house, only to allow me to start fresh with my sure foundation to build again, build better and more secure using the lessons I have learned from previous building attempts to improve.  Instead of being upset that my house has been knocked down, I need to be thankful that the Lord wants to help me build something better than I deserve or can create on my own.

I feel as though my little house has been demolished many times over the course of my life as I try to figure out what I should be and who I need to become.  I think at certain times in my life I needed certain kinds of houses.  I welcome the change and the opportunity to try and to be and to do something better.  How thankful I am, that I don’t still have the house I did in high school, college or even the one from a few years ago.

Watch what you pray for, right?  You just might get it.  I prayed to be humbled.  It happened…knocked to my knees.  I prayed to be more diligent in my scripture study.  It happened.  Unkind words can be hurtful.  Usually, I’m good about letting things go, but they stuck this time.  I couldn’t tell if I felt hurt or angry, but really, I think it was both.  Let’s be realistic.  I don’t have room in my life or heart for anger or hurt.  Regardless, I found my lack of comfort simply unlivable.  I felt like I couldn’t find comfort or peace.  Being with friends and family didn’t help.  Being alone didn’t help.  That just caused stewing.  My soup doesn’t need an all day simmer and mixing of the anger and hurt flavors.  Talk about toxic!

So I went to my scriptures.  The moment I sat down I felt the words wrapping me in a blanket.  Where can I turn for Peace?  Where is my solace when other sources cease to make me whole?  When with a wounded heart…where can I run…to calm my anguish?  …to the Lord of course.  I knew he would speak to me through the Prophet and the scriptures.  I had my scripture then and I knew General Conference was right around the corner.

I just sat there with them open on my lap knowing that as soon as I started reading the peace would come, my heart would feel joyful and I could just let it all go…

I happened to be in Helaman Chapter 5 part way through for my scripture study.  The first words I read, “It is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye may build your foundation, that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds,…it shall have no power over you to drag you d0wn to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.”

My burden was immediately lifted and the feelings were gone.  I then had a pivotal clarifying moment.  Thank you Mom and Dad for helping me build a firm foundation!  That foundation is more important than I had ever realized because I have, do and will continue to rebuild myself upon it on a daily basis throughout my life.  I’ll indulge my pivotal clarifying moment another time.

I think this post might be mostly for my children…someday when they are older.

Remember that icy road in Denver with my brother post, way back in January?  He was telling me about President Monson’s ABCs talk during our snowy escapade.  My brain got to whirring and I decided that I wanted our family to create our own ABCs this year of things we should be doing to live an abundant life.  So every Monday at the start of FHE we sit down and ask if anyone has thought of anything to add to our alphabet.  I think it is something we really needed.  We finally finished our ABC’s.