For Better or Worse
Caution: Heavy, early morning thoughts…
The human experience seems a trite phrase for describing the culmination of experiences we endure and enjoy on our sojourn on earth. I have reflected extensively this last little while on my childhood and the experiences I had that have formed the person I am today…for better or for worse. My childhood emotions were typical of most others. I laughed with my friends, fought with my friends, cried when I got hurt and was filled with excitement with the simplest of things. Jealousy, hate, embarrassment, joy, kindness, humility, comfort…the list goes on and I have felt them all-unfortunately with some of them, more times than I would like to admit.
As I watch my own children begin to experience the world with a larger pallet of emotions, I find that I naturally try to protect them from the emotions that are not so fun-for the lack of a better word. I’m starting to think I’m doing my children a disservice. Children are strong and very resilient. Those difficult emotions are often time when we learn the most. For example, embarrassment tends to create humility(I am aware this is not always the case). Really, I know I need to be more humble and it scares the begeebees out of me to pray for it. With it can come so much hardship, hurt and trial(Again, I am aware this is not always the case). Honestly, I’m a pansy. I hate being humbled, but I know it’s good for me and so I usually pray for the desire and ability to humble myself. I digress, this is not about me. As a result, I naturally want to shield them from experiences necessary for humility or other, “hard to come by” traits. The process is no walk in the park. I don’t want them to have to struggle I just want them to be perfect. And yes, I am laughing at the sound of it as I’m writing the words, but it’s the honest truth. It sounds like Satan’s plan almost got me there for a moment. It is tempting… just do what your told, be perfect so we can be an eternal family…dang it!
So this thought hurricane has me thinking that I need to back off my children’s experience just a bit. I shouldn’t be shielding them from emotions(I’m referring to the simple, day to day instances here, not the deeper, scarier ones-that is a whole different can of worms that I get all sorts of momma bear about). If my kids get teased, I can’t step in and I know that. Even if I tried, I won’t always be there. I think my role has become that as a coping coach. I know, lame name! You’ll be teased/hurt/embarrassed again and again through your whole life…get used to it. It’s my job to make sure they handle the ups and downs with grace and dignity; that they learn how to be better friends; that they remember Will and I love them and Heavenly Father is always there for comfort and guidance. I’m am here to provide tools, not shelter my children from the world. Our experience here is one of learning, enduring and joy. I will always be there to wipe away tears and administer hugs, but I have to remind myself I’m not hear to rob my children of their human experience. For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things.
Very good post. It is very, very hard to watch our kids struggle or get hurt. I think most moms automatically want to protect their kids from anything painful.
July 9th, 2010 at 8:25 amBut you’re right– we do need to let our kids “find their own way” to some extent. And let go even more as they get older. Easy to say, hard to do.
very painful topic, one on my mind a lot lately. We like to experience mortality HD style with blow your pants off speaker system. Definitely making sure all experiences happen. Sure is painful to go through and even more painful to watch your kids. They are fulfilling their missions. Thank goodness for the gospel which really sheds light on this and helps us understand that this mortal time is temporary.
July 9th, 2010 at 12:43 pmThe weirdest thing is that we can learn completely different lessons from the exact same experiences. As parents we work to help our children process and learn from life, but often (especially as they get older) God doesn’t explain what is to be learned. It can be painful and confusing, especially when we have to stand back and watch our children struggle through. It’s kind of like childbirth. You may think I’m crazy, but I think in some ways it is harder to watch someone you love give birth than doing it yourself. When it’s you, you are working hard and focused. When you’re just watching you feel kind of helpless just standing there and waiting. Likewise with our kids, sometimes it’s tougher to stand and watch at let life happen.
July 9th, 2010 at 6:06 pm